So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
