i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
