Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
