I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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