Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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