I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
