So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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