It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
