Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
