did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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