Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
