i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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