I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
