Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
