Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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