it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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