well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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