help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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