Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
