I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i think i just lost a toe
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
