Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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