Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
