did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
