you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
