i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
