I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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