Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
