i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
