Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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