nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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