I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
