I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
