before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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