Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm

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(808): View more from Hawaii

Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot

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(630): View more from Illinois

Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock

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(585): View more from New York

Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.

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(310): View more from California

Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor

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