I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
