you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
