I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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