their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
