I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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