The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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