he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
