I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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