Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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