just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
