just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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