Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
