no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
