I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
