I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
