uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Randomize
